Woke up a little off today, I can tell that something's wrong

The pain.

 That is one of the main thing that surprised me about Parkinsons. I never knew it could be so painful. I tell people that of you want to try to understand what I'm talking about regarding the pain to pick a muscle or body part and flex it. All day. Keep it flexed as long as possible. Imagine how sore you would become. Imagine how it would cause other issues with joints, your spine, your overall well-being. That was what I discovered.

 I'm not a doctor; however, I think a lot of the pain I was having in my right shoulder was caused by the muscles in my back and shoulder being constantly rigid. I never knew that Parkinsons causes a lot of involuntary muscle contractions and rigidity. This little joy of a symptom is called "Dystonia." I tend to think if it as diSTONEia because of my body locking up like a "stone."

 It fucking hurts. I remember that pain in my shoulder was so bad that I felt like my right shoulder was dislocated and popped back into socket. At the time I was new in taking the medication which did help, but it typically lasts 4-6 hours per dose. So, throughout the day I could get some relief, however at night it would wear off and I would wake up with the full-bore effects of this disease kicking my ass. I remember it hurt so bad that getting dressed in the morning seriously took some time and effort. I would sit and stretch out my right shoulder until I was able to reach around and put my belt on. Getting my shirt on and off was definitely a challenge, and even taking a shower was becoming more difficult due to my right arm not wanting to move correctly.

 Going back to the rigidity issue and think about how hard it would be to get dressed or even brush your teeth with a hand or arm that was so locked up that it couldn't reach well enough to wash the other side of your body. It really sucked.

 Work at the time really didn't help. I knew what was now wrong with me and knowing it was going to get progressively worse didn't help matters. I remember I would get calls from management at 4:45pm saying that I needed a Doctors note by the end of the day for modified duty or I couldn't come to work the next day. Fifteen minutes to get a note from my doctor???? Fucking really! I remember saying more than once that I was already in a lawsuit due to the neck injury caused by the accident, and I had no problem suing their asses again for harassment and threatening to taking what little sick time and vacation time I had left after my surgery if I didn't get the note in as they wanted. I remember replying that It was unreasonable to expect me to get a doctors note in that amount of time, and that I was coming to work the next day and they could try to drag me out.

 I remember two of my friends who had promoted had to be the ones who had to tell me this, and apologizing for the way in which it was being handled. I knew they were following orders from above. I remember feeling bad as I could see their distaste for what they were being told to do, but also that was what they signed up for.

In the end, I was told that due to me not being able to meet my original physical requirements of the job, that if I didn't retire, I would be fired. So I chose to retire after 20 years as a Stanislaus County Probation Officer.

 Twenty years of a job I loved.

 Gone.